:: Emotional Void ::

:: Thursday, November 21, 2002 ::

*black widow*

(I'm a freak..)

met up with my poly frenz today..break fast together. however, two of my frenz brought a fren each, making it to be 7 of us instead of 5. being me, i wud feel awkward around pple dat i juz met. but this time, i felt so self-conscious dat i even felt awkward with my frenz.

it wuz horrible. as time passes by, i could feel my self-esteem goin further and further downhill. usually, things wud eventually turn out fine as i wud blabber crap and therefore the awkwardness will be gone. but this time, i wuz in dat mood of not even bein bothered to talk. i wuz in the 'observation' mode whereby i wud juz observe the pple ard me...and analyse and make a note in my mind about how i perceive them.

its juz dat somehow, i felt so not in their league. like i'm not as great as they are..be it in looks or wateva! gosh! i'm gettin depressed even as i type these words. think i pretty much am gonna get my period real soon. it must hav been my pms thing ruling me tonite..:)

anyway, as depression wuz ruling my head tonite, i decided to do somethin which i wudnt do if i wasnt depressed. i messaged muz, asking how is he doin. he replied. i guess we're still cool..in contrary to wat i thought.

i guess to me, bein depressed is somewhat similar to being drunk. i wud start doin things i wudnt normally do....

:: black widow 11/21/2002 11:59:00 PM [+] ::
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