:: Emotional Void ::

:: Wednesday, August 28, 2002 ::

*black widow*

(Snap!) *black widow*
Hated Lorelai on Gilmore Girls yesterday. She is juz darn irritating when she starts blabbering non-stop...which most of the time is pure crap. And i am pissed with the way she reacted bout the 'accident'..not bcoz of jess but coz i find dat she wuz acting irrationally by storming in on luke and demanding to see jess and all the time blabbering non-stop in her usual irritaing voice. And i hate the fact dat she always yak and yak and assumes dat she is always in the right and refuse to think before she speaks. i mean..wats up with dat character!

Last nite, i am not sure if its bcoz of the show..but i juz couldnt sleep. I wuz analysing my life and there i wuz tossing and turning. I started to think bout how pathetic my life is. And somehow i recalled a conversation i had with a fren and it triggered a kind of unidentified; i shud say, mixed emotions in me. It started off with me realising dat i hav no love life watsoever.
dat my so called love life isnt even considered 'an encounter with a special guy' as i always thought. I must hav sounded pathetic telling people bout 'the' guy whom i hav recently stopped thinking about.
I dun even know him as a fren. It wuz juz a childish stupid crush. And i juz realised dat? wat the hell is wrong with me??

That thought led me to think more bout how much of a dirt bag i am. I juz snapped! The next paragraph is gonna consist of my outburst at this moment bout how i perceive my life so far....
this outburst has nothing to do with me losing faith in myself but juz dat i juz want to be free to say wat i feel right now.

Pathetic story 1:: Back about my love life..i truly fit in to the song 'i am juz a teenage dirtbag'. Liking a guy from afar for two years and only to find out in my third year dat he has a girlfren...
i dun feel sad for myself..i juz feel pathetic,,u know..like a loser.i dun even know him as a fren, i dun even know his frenz..compared to all the guy problem stories i hear from others, i feel mine is the most pathetic.it shouldnt even be told in the first place.
Come to think of it, i dun even hav a guy fren to talk of. No chummy guy frenz whom i can joke and talk to. No interesting story to tell watsoever! even if there are guys whom i think hav a crush on me, let me repeat...'i think'! for all i know i am juz imagining things..in fact i am so pathetic dat i hav frenz who wish to introduce their guy frenz to me!

Pathetic story 2:: I am jobless. and i am getting sick and tired of feeling useless at home. i feel so pathetic when i hav to ask my mum for money wheneva i go out. i feel like some leech sponging off my mum for money. Other than attachment, i hav neva worked before in my life. i am tired of sending in resumes and checking my e-mail every single day for new jobs to apply to. it has become a sort of routine which sux big time. i need to make money..i need to hav a working life to talk of...i need to hav a salary which i can proudly say to be my own money. not given to me, but i earn it.

:: black widow 8/28/2002 01:32:00 PM [+] ::
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