:: Emotional Void ::

:: Friday, November 22, 2002 ::

*black widow*

(Sing to me....)

remnants of yesterday's depression hav somehow decided to hit me today. i aint gonna lie by saying dat wat i did all day wuz to lie down in bed and mope around bout wateva it is dat i am upset about. coz it aint true. i went on with my life as usual today...i laughed, i smiled, i even joked around with my niece. however, it stil felt very empty...very void.....

it's like i can't fully feel all these emotions i wuz potraying juz bcoz of the depression stil existing at the back of my mind. it's weird...
but the depression hits me hard when i am alone. the intensity of it overwhelms me. i hate it when dat happens. it's like me against myself. i am my own worst enemy. when pple bitch bout me, i take it with a pinch of salt. i dun get all depressed and worked up bout it. sure i wud, but the feelin wud juz take a while to die down. coz they dun own me and i dun giv a damn wat they think bout me,

but if the bitching comes from me, dats when the intensity of it becomes much much larger. coz i know myself well and those bitching comes from within me.
the slight depression todae even brought me to making excuses not to meet up wif a fren. i juz wasnt up for it. i feel really sorry bout it but i wudnt be of good company anyway.

to overcome the depression, i took refuge in music. incidentally there wuz nobody at home and so i took the upportunity to pretty much blast the music to as loud as possible.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here
~radiohead~

i love this song. some part of it applies to how i feel sometimes....

thanx to hida and mardi for the lovely msg. i'm fine, juz goin thru dat phase in my life..

:: black widow 11/22/2002 10:27:00 PM [+] ::
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