:: Emotional Void ::

:: Friday, July 03, 2009 ::

*black widow*

(Breaking point)

Past 2 weeks has been such a messy and nasty week. Was especially nasty the past few days. The work just keeps on piling and I was helpless with the load.

Nearly lost it a few times this week. There's only so much stress that I can take damnit.

It has pushed me to ill health today and still work haunts me in the form of phone calls and messages. Thanx for the 'well-wishes' NOT.

I'm not sure I can take this month after month anymore. Sure it has been nearly 2 years but it just gets worse as the time goes by.

And another piece of news just brings the whole motivation level at an all time low.

On another note, the shocking news of Michael's passing has affected everyone I'm sure. And I'm no exception. I definitely grew up listening to his songs. He's a talent and an icon that shall be remembered forever.

Might sound weird but I wish I had known him personally.Well I probably know part of him through his songs

Rest in piece , Michael. You shall be missed and remembered always. Peace out xoxo

:: black widow 7/03/2009 11:51:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Need to be up in 4 hours)

Gonna ramble a quick one before I head on to bed.

I miss Chester

On a happier note, I'm off to a road trip in 4 hours time and thus the need to catch some sleep or in this case, a quick nap.

Been keeping myself busy lately. Here's to a better me? Perhaps. Well it sure makes me happier.
Well seeing and talking about 'the casts' makes me happy but 2 of the main cast in my show have gone MIA on me.

So that's just crap really.

I 'm off for a week so let's hope they'll surprise me when I'm back=)

Ciao

:: black widow 6/14/2009 11:23:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Happy holidays)

Went for a short trip last weekend. It was somewhat an ok trip. I wasn't all that thrilled on the trip as I had wanted to be.
Due to some factors, it wasn't a relaxing trip at all. The heat was getting to me and I got sick. Still sick now and it's definitely not a good time to be sick considering the work load that awaits me when I head back to office tomorrow.
Sweet...not.

So basically it wasn't a good week for me.

And so the depression begins..

:: black widow 1/27/2009 11:32:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(It's all cakes and pies..)

Been a week since the incident and it's beginning to get to me. The frustration at not being able to do things i normally take for granted is slowly eating me.

On top of that, the hormones at it's messy moment today. The irony is I'm amidst the happiness all around me. In normal times. it would make me happy. But now it's just nauseating.

It's all a pain now...literally

:: black widow 12/20/2008 11:29:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Booby trap)

One of my close girlfriends got married last weekend. And I was one of the bridesmaids. Let's just say it was a pinky affair.

It was tiring but fun nevertheless. We kept ourselves occupied by taking what seems like a gazillion pictures and laughed our heads off. hehe..I smile just thinkign about it.

But I'm glad everything went smoothly...and my babe is happily married. Congrats dahling!

So this makes my second experience at being a bridesmaid. 25 more times to go and I can act in '27 dresses part II'...

And on a totally unrelated note, my boobs hurt. Let the tap flow in december please..

:: black widow 11/26/2008 12:10:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Adrenaline rush)

I am not exactly into cars...heck, I can't even drive. But it's cool to have the Grand Prix so close to home ground.

Fast cars zooming past..

Perhaps it shall be the motivation I need to finally get me the license. Or maybe not.

On that note, I have been feeling rather lethargic lately. It has to be the food I eat. It shows in my face. I don't feel the the need to smile anymore. It's as if my face would crack everytime I do. It bothers me a lot.

I need a distraction. At the expense of sounding vain, I should try out my new set of make-up.

Don't judge me, it's a form of art for me.

ciao

:: black widow 9/28/2008 12:10:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Back to reality)

I am back from my too short a trip.

And the best thing was I only felt the excitement as I entered the airport gates. It was just a whole lot of worrying about work before that.
Now that I'm back, I keep reminiscing the moments spent on foreign land.

I contemplated on blogging the whole trip.

But no..it's a memory meant to be kept private. No words can describe the wonderful time I had. I was there before. But I went back 7 years later, a whole lot older and wiser. A lot more aware of my surroundings and analytical in a way as I know how.

I will be back to see a lot more of you, world. I will be back..

:: black widow 8/30/2008 10:06:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(A bag and a million clothes later)



Time sure flies real fast. Gonna leave in 2 days time. I'm all packed except for some stuff which I need to pack on the day itself.

The bag feels heavy. Now thinking of stuff I should take out. Alas my small frame do not permit me to carry a train on my back...not that I want to...well point taken.



Excitement not yet sinking in. In fact I feel people around me getting more excited than I am!



Probably cuz of work, I have been pushing away the happy thoughts for the longest time. The happy drug perhaps gonna hit me when I'm on the plane.



Oh well, ciao

:: black widow 8/12/2008 12:04:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Fallin harder by the minute)

Boy I hear you in my dreams..

After the 3 years wait, you were back to sweep me off my feet.
Yet the bobbing heads and waving hands acted as a pillar blocking me from you. Your voice was the only memory I could hold on to.

I smile at the thought of seeing you again . Will you see me?

Missing you already..mr. guacamole..

:: black widow 8/06/2008 10:19:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Starting over..)



Uncertainty seems to kick in at the 11th hour. The passion which was burning before seem to slowly die down to a mere spark.



Somebody grab me a match quick!

:: black widow 7/23/2008 11:33:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Breathe in..)

I need to breathe before I speak or just don't speak at all

:: black widow 7/14/2008 10:51:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Colourful lunch world of mine)

questions for the colourfuls...

1)mr. pirate, do u really like big earrings?

2)mr green jacket, love the green jacket. do u like green and juice?health conscious much?=)

3)mr-carry a bag, so what do u carry in that bag huh?

4)3-friends & a smoking spot, ever tried to quit smoking?

5)the hill-billies, don't see u no more. gone to climb other hills?

6)meaty-ass, where the fuck have u been?

~to be continued~

:: black widow 7/03/2008 11:34:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Take it with a pinch of salt..)

so many words thrown into the air..

sshh..yet i'm hearing the quiet. forcing myself to hear the silence since the words would hurt my tiny heart.

that's me, the thorn in your flesh.

thank you for making that ever clearer than before. thank you..

:: black widow 6/06/2008 11:27:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Annoyance is a virtue..)

It has come to my attention that I have a tendency to be annoyed at the slightest tiniest thing.

I am becoming a walking raging hormone...ready to pounce if need be.

And now what's left to do is drown in my fluctuating hormones. Bittersweet chocolate could relate to me now if only it can speak.

If only..

:: black widow 5/27/2008 12:10:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Shiny black)

Yesterday was my birthday. Didn't do much other than eat a gorgeous brownie during lunch and stuffed myself with bone steak at home.

Aah glorious food...

Celebrated it with my lovelies today and got a surprise of my life. I saw, i screamed, almost cried and proceed to touch my black beauty with much love yo.

yep, 'jason' is now in my house resting. whoohoo.

i love you jason!

dinner was amazing and fabulous. nothing beats buffet style. and the fact that the food was nice...hmm..i shan't disclose how much i ate.
it's safe to say A LOT.
mwahahahahha

i had so much fun babes! love u! =)

:: black widow 4/27/2008 12:07:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Puke it out)

Wow, been ages since I last updated this supposed space of mine.
Lack of stories and my rather stagnant life don't make much of a blog entry.

Had a splitting headache at work today. Luckily the attack came much later during the evening. So with an unsteady head, I made my way to the interview.

It was crap. I basically pull off a shitty interview with every intention of making it a short one. i made it in half an hour. not bad.

i'm good at being crappy like that.

Bought myself a cd today...probably to pacify myself. Shit, shuoldn't it be someone else buying me something to make me feel better? I guess that's independence for u.

Well at least the head is better now. I almost forgot I bought the cd though. It's still in the bag. Probably have a listen to it tomorrow or something.

So yep...ciao

:: black widow 4/17/2008 10:46:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Cruel game)

Today made me HATE dreams.

You made me sob today.

It was cruel...how could you play at one of my weakest spot like that?!

I hate you, dream..I truly do...very much

:: black widow 3/02/2008 07:51:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Running)

As I walked home today, I looked up to the sky. No stars, no moon.

As dim as my heart.

Hurt myself today. Pain makes me ask for more. That's when I know I'm messed up.

So I said to myself...'Run, girl. Run as far as you can go.'

:: black widow 3/02/2008 01:15:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Shut the fuck up!)

I know I have been rambling a lot about my job but I just have to get it out of my system.
Last night was fucking horrible (note: will have lots of f*cks throughout this entry. don't read further if you are of the faint hearted)

Anyway, being month end and fuck, I am supposed to work till midnight. That was fine and all since I have gone through quite a few month ends before.
But since I am taking over a new job role and handling my first month end for that job scope last night, it fucking sux.

It already sux having one person bugging u throughout the day regarding whether you have done your job. Fuck, I got like a million people calling and bugging me (people I do not know!) and telling me what to do and asking me stupid questions.

First, tell me, if I have to set aside time to listen to your dumb as fuck rambling on the phone and read your messages on my messenger and replying to your fucking emails, how the fuck am I supposed to finish the work, you fucking fools!

So shut the fuck up and go back to your cave already.
You are fucking cramping my style and I fucking hate you.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

:: black widow 3/01/2008 11:46:00 AM [+] ::
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