:: Emotional Void ::

:: Sunday, December 09, 2012 ::

*black widow*

Lost

It is times like this that I keep mum and switch off. Losing someone close is never easy. I wish I could say 'stay strong' but I can't. Because I am myself not strong enough to face the truth to my own loss.

Being labeled cold-hearted for not showing a tinge of sadness, let me be known as that. I am emotionally tired to explain myself. In fact  I do not think I need to. Let only Him know the true me.

:: black widow 12/09/2012 12:48:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(The reason)

Happy New Year! New year eve was a blast spent with my bff. Our favourite pastime..karaoke=)

Incidents that made me smile that day..titanic dude and unexpectedly bump into 'pete'. sweet.

I should be grateful for what I have and stop thinking about what I don't. 'nuff said.

:: black widow 1/02/2012 02:42:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(L.o.s.t)

And when you feel helpless and hopeless, you stand upright and hope for the best.But it takes just one fall to make you crumble back to the ground again.

Now on the ground talking her way out of this mess.
Spare her the torture and let her be. Alas that is too much to ask for. She beat herself up for letting the words mess up with her mind again.

Now instead of getting back up again, she is sinking deeper and deeper into the ground.

:: black widow 6/14/2011 12:45:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(I deserve it)

What a start to the new year. lost my mobile phone today.

filled with anger over my carelessness and anger at the person who decides to save the phone instead of giving it back to the rightful owner.

wonder if it is a sign of what 2011 will be for me.

:: black widow 1/02/2011 11:13:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(screw u)

and so i got an earful again today.bringing me one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break.

must not breakdown..just try

:: black widow 12/11/2010 01:26:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(This is my downfall)

Just when I thought a change will do me good, I get an overload of vicious comments thrown at me, with every mean of bringing me down.

This brings me back to more than 3 years ago when I felt utterly useless and dumb. De ja vu much. Never thought I will have to go through this shit again.

Please let tomorrow be a better day..

:: black widow 12/08/2010 09:15:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Everything changes but you)

Please let this be a good decision. the dilemma is killing me but I have decided.

Yes I must go through with this..

:: black widow 10/28/2010 02:14:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(The Used)

Walking on egg shells most of the time. Left to wonder when is sunshine and when is rain.
Why is she subjected to the endless downpour? She is but only human. Hell, she has to go through her own downpour. So stop expecting her to be sunshine when you are rain and still remain a sunshine when your sun rises.

It is not fair and you fuckin know it.

And the fact that only she seem to get the bulk of the rain just messes up her mind.It struck her that she is an easy target of convenience. Cuz she will always warm up to your words. She is but the used.

So let this story end. let her live her life and create her own sunshine and downpour without your string around her neck.

You are better off being with other like-minded individuals who ensures you remain sunshine always cuz thou shalt never show rain to the un-used. Cuz there is a chance they won't warm up to you once the storm is over.

Guess what, the used is tired. The used shalt not be sunshine for a while after the hurt thou have caused her.

:: black widow 7/18/2010 11:10:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Dear cousin)

Dear cousin,

Today, I see your face for the last time. I will always remember your sense of humour and caring nature. I can totally understand why you are such a lady's man.

Thank you for making me laugh. I weep for the loss but we shall meet again one day.

Farewell and with much love..

:: black widow 5/10/2010 06:51:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(What the hell is going on?)

I am digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself. The immense hatred on what I am and what I have become is making me squirm in my seat.

Nobody knows how close I am to jumping to that hole and bury myself in. And there is nobody to turn to. This constant act of laughing and smiling is making me tired.

And so I seek refuge in dance and music. At least it helps me forget for a little while.

Dear journal,
I can't fall into depression again. I need to get over this phase unharmed.

:: black widow 3/28/2010 11:50:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(I love you)

I hate the way you belittle my presence
I love you

I hate the way you treat others nicer
I love you

I hate the way you put me down
I love you

I hate how you perceive me as heartless
I love you

I hate it when you don't pretend you treat us equal
I love you

I hate it when u don't pretend you love me
I love you

I hate it when you hurt me so
I love you

I hate it when you make me cry
I love you

'nough said...(made. under. medication.)

:: black widow 9/11/2009 12:35:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Sure..give me work. bleargh..)

Annoying colleagues driving me mad. Thanx for offering me part of your workload but which planet have you been living in?!
Do I look like I have a lot of free time to spare?

And stop acting all high and mightry as if I'm one hell of a selfish bitch in not willing to share the workload with the team. Cuz trust me, I would if I could.

So don't ever think my silence is a form of my weakness. I know how much I can handle and the answer is still NO.

I DO NOT WANT MORE WORK CUZ I AM ALREADY EXPERIENCING WORK OVERLOAD!

:: black widow 8/24/2009 10:06:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Breaking point)

Past 2 weeks has been such a messy and nasty week. Was especially nasty the past few days. The work just keeps on piling and I was helpless with the load.

Nearly lost it a few times this week. There's only so much stress that I can take damnit.

It has pushed me to ill health today and still work haunts me in the form of phone calls and messages. Thanx for the 'well-wishes' NOT.

I'm not sure I can take this month after month anymore. Sure it has been nearly 2 years but it just gets worse as the time goes by.

And another piece of news just brings the whole motivation level at an all time low.

On another note, the shocking news of Michael's passing has affected everyone I'm sure. And I'm no exception. I definitely grew up listening to his songs. He's a talent and an icon that shall be remembered forever.

Might sound weird but I wish I had known him personally.Well I probably know part of him through his songs

Rest in piece , Michael. You shall be missed and remembered always. Peace out xoxo

:: black widow 7/03/2009 11:51:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Need to be up in 4 hours)

Gonna ramble a quick one before I head on to bed.

I miss Chester

On a happier note, I'm off to a road trip in 4 hours time and thus the need to catch some sleep or in this case, a quick nap.

Been keeping myself busy lately. Here's to a better me? Perhaps. Well it sure makes me happier.
Well seeing and talking about 'the casts' makes me happy but 2 of the main cast in my show have gone MIA on me.

So that's just crap really.

I 'm off for a week so let's hope they'll surprise me when I'm back=)

Ciao

:: black widow 6/14/2009 11:23:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Happy holidays)

Went for a short trip last weekend. It was somewhat an ok trip. I wasn't all that thrilled on the trip as I had wanted to be.
Due to some factors, it wasn't a relaxing trip at all. The heat was getting to me and I got sick. Still sick now and it's definitely not a good time to be sick considering the work load that awaits me when I head back to office tomorrow.
Sweet...not.

So basically it wasn't a good week for me.

And so the depression begins..

:: black widow 1/27/2009 11:32:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(It's all cakes and pies..)

Been a week since the incident and it's beginning to get to me. The frustration at not being able to do things i normally take for granted is slowly eating me.

On top of that, the hormones at it's messy moment today. The irony is I'm amidst the happiness all around me. In normal times. it would make me happy. But now it's just nauseating.

It's all a pain now...literally

:: black widow 12/20/2008 11:29:00 PM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Booby trap)

One of my close girlfriends got married last weekend. And I was one of the bridesmaids. Let's just say it was a pinky affair.

It was tiring but fun nevertheless. We kept ourselves occupied by taking what seems like a gazillion pictures and laughed our heads off. hehe..I smile just thinkign about it.

But I'm glad everything went smoothly...and my babe is happily married. Congrats dahling!

So this makes my second experience at being a bridesmaid. 25 more times to go and I can act in '27 dresses part II'...

And on a totally unrelated note, my boobs hurt. Let the tap flow in december please..

:: black widow 11/26/2008 12:10:00 AM [+] ::
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*black widow*

(Adrenaline rush)

I am not exactly into cars...heck, I can't even drive. But it's cool to have the Grand Prix so close to home ground.

Fast cars zooming past..

Perhaps it shall be the motivation I need to finally get me the license. Or maybe not.

On that note, I have been feeling rather lethargic lately. It has to be the food I eat. It shows in my face. I don't feel the the need to smile anymore. It's as if my face would crack everytime I do. It bothers me a lot.

I need a distraction. At the expense of sounding vain, I should try out my new set of make-up.

Don't judge me, it's a form of art for me.

ciao

:: black widow 9/28/2008 12:10:00 AM [+] ::
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